Bragging Rights: Managing Visitors at Your Hospital Birth
This blog is the viewpoint of Denise Bolds & Bold Doula. Copyrighted, 2026.
I have been a Doula for a long time, and if there is one thing I know, it is that people love to rush to the hospital for a baby. Everybody wants to be at the Birth, and everybody wants the bragging rights: I was there when you were born!
These stories go well beyond family cookouts, reunions, and wedding photo montages. In many cultures, it is the norm to have elders present when a new life joins the family, and I honor that. Since the pandemic, I have noticed even more families arriving in force. They come in solidarity and support, but it can become challenging quickly.
When family becomes a distraction. I cannot tell you how many family squabbles, even outright fistfights, have required security to be called and family members to be banned from hospital property. Every one of those moments is a major distraction for the person in the bed trying to labor and give birth. Conflict does more than disrupt the room. It can stall labor and lead to more interventions.
The waiting area problem. I have seen 10 to 15 members of one family take over an entire waiting area, leaving prospective laboring patients and families with nowhere to sit while the wait to go upstairs to give birth.
Your Doula is not the visitor coordinator. Families often expect the Doula to step out so relatives can swap in and visit. That interrupts the Doula's primary purpose for being hired and retained. Managing relatives, food, refreshments, and rotations is not the Doula's role, and many hospitals limit how many people are allowed in the labor and delivery room at one time.
Your elders' health matters too. Hospitals are full of people with highly contagious illnesses, including colds, the flu, COVID, and MRSA. Bringing an elder or a small child into that environment exposes them to real risk. Traveling to the hospital can also turn a manageable illness into an acute one. I have seen elders make the pilgrimage to a birth despite their own medical issues and end up admitted to the same hospital on a different floor, putting their health in jeopardy. COVID is still with us, and cold and flu season is real.
Dignity and privacy. The person giving birth deserves to maintain their dignity and privacy as much as possible. A revolving door of relatives immediately after birth, while they are being cleaned up and getting ready for their golden hour, is rarely ideal. Nurses have a lot to do after the birth, including supporting perineal repair and evaluation, and extra people in the room can cause confusion, errors, and miscommunication.
What to do instead. Talk with your family and friends about visitors during your pregnancy,
before you go to the hospital. Agree on who will come, when, and for how long. Use FaceTime, WhatsApp, or another video app so loved ones can celebrate from home. This keeps everyone safe, lets the prospective parents focus on labor, and reduces the spread of illness. When the conversation happens early, no one needs security or a nurse manager to enforce it.
The best way to honor your family is to give them a plan. Bragging rights can wait until the baby is home.
Denise Bolds, MSW, Ed.D, CD(DONA), CLC, CBE(ICEA)
Owner, Bold Selah, LLC. Owner, Black Women Do VBAC©
Doula, Childbirth Educator, Mentor, Trainer
DONA International Certified Birth Doula
Bold Doula. "Motherhood by Choice, Not by Chance"
(845) 797-4177
